“My Will For You”

“Some wish to stay within the sound of church or chapel bell. I’d rather run a rescue shop within a
yard of hell.” – C.T. Studd

This summer, I went to Poland. I’ve talked about it a million times. It’s probably annoying. But it was truly the most life-changing experience of my life. For my whole life, I had dreamed of leaving the country. I dreamed of going on a mission trip. God answered all those prayers and all the uncertainty in my heart. On March 24th I got my passport. It was official. I was going! I couldn’t really grasp the fact I was going for so long. I don’t really think it sunk in until the day I left. My last few days home had a few very special moments I would not replace for anything. Then I left. Honestly, it was so different from I expected.

For one, I had so much fun. I made a lifetime of memories I will treasure forever. I made friends. I saw a new part of the world. I started drinking coffee. I spent hours in coffee shops, journalling and having conversations with the team.

But the thing was, I realized something. Missions is what I want to do with my life. For about a year prior, I’d been reading my share of Jim Elliot books and a spark was put into my soul. I started going a little crazy. I thought every moment not spent sharing the Gospel was wasted. I wanted to be a missionary so bad. But in Poland this desire didn’t just grow: it changed. I found myself asking myself why I wanted to be a missionary. It wasn’t going to perfect. And there was so much of a “normal life” I would miss happening back here. Even in the brief two weeks I was away, I felt like so much went on with everyone back home. There was this one night I sat on the steps of a building in G’dansk and looked at the people passing by. Pretty much none of them were Christians. My heart ached. I could not talk to them. They all had questions that needed to be answered, they all had pain somewhere deep inside. The more I look back, I feel if that was night I realized God was calling me in particular to be a missionary for His glory. I want to be a missionary, because that is when I feel His glory the very most.

I do realize if God wants me to stay here, I shall for doing His will is bringing Him the most glory. But I do believe He has put this desire in my heart for a reason. There is also the waiting. I probably won’t, with hopefully the exception of a few short-term mission trips, get to become a full-time missionary for 7 years or so because I do want to go to college. And who knows how many years after that I shall wait for  the perfect timing. But I am already praying and now He has the timing planned so perfect.

Somedays, I get caught up in all the things I will miss in being a missionary here. But every time my mind wanders in this direction (including today), God has a way of reminding me these are selfish desires. This earth is not my home, so I better stop treating is like mine.

Tonight, I was doing school and a certain song that has special meaning to me from Poland came on. It woke in my heart all these feelings in Poland. I was brought back to long bus rides, to bike rides in the city at night, to the smile of one sweet girl, to the city lights, to the coffee shops, to singing songs in Polish and English to the Savior, to the place rides, and all the little moments He revealed himself. God spoke to me through these memories. He gently reminded me, “This is my will for you.”

I have no idea what the future holds in regards to all this, but He knows. He is the reason, I am simply learning to live a life that paves my heart to be like His. He is faithful and Poland made me realize this is what I want to spend my life proclaiming.

To Him be all the Glory and let His name, through us all, be proclaimed among the lost.


4 thoughts on ““My Will For You”

  1. Oh goodness. You so described my feelings about my summer missions trip and all the accompanying emotions that I took home with me. My trip also opened my eyes to my desire for full-time missions, and sometimes it’s hard to be content in the everyday after such an extraordinary experience. So thanks for the reminder, friend. It so encouraged me.

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